Mediation Intake Questions - Children Mediation
The Mediation Intake Session.
The intake session is an exploratory session where mediators come from a place of curiosity to find out a little bit more about your story. This informs us in using our discretion as to the suitability of mediation as well as to the model of mediation to use if mediation goes ahead.
Our clients have asked, and we have answered. If you ever wondered what a family mediation intake session entails…. Wait no longer, we will explore what mediation intake questions look like within this blog.
Before we get into it, it is important to provide full and frank disclosure during your mediation intake session. The intake session takes you back into the relationship and what it looked like for you. There is no judgement from the mediator as we come from a curious and compassionate standpoint. Personally, as a mediator, I want to listen to you and understand your perspective on what has led you to where you are and to guide and enable you to get the best possible outcome for your scenario.
Family Make-up
It’s important for the mediator to understand the make-up of your family. This includes, but is not limited to:
· Details about your children whom you have initiated mediation for.
· The length of the relationship with your ex.
· Whether you were married or not.
· When and why you separated from your ex.
· If you have re-partnered and if you have any children from the new partnership.
· If there were children with other partners before your relationship and what's happening with those children.
· If you are connected to your family of origin and if they have been supportive of you, particularly through separation and divorce.
Your understanding of the process of mediation or the Family Court
If you have participated in mediation before, it’s important for the mediator to know what the outcome of the process was at the time. It’s also important to know if there are any court orders in place including Parenting Orders, Property Settlement Orders, Violence Restraining Orders and any other relevant orders to your matter.
If this is your first time attending mediation, the mediator will ensure that you have a detailed understanding of how the process works and what you can expect from mediation in terms of the different outcomes and alternative avenues that you can take depending on how things play out in your individual matter.
The reasons for initiating mediation and establishing the status quo of the family
Often there is a single event or a series of events that triggers parties to initiate mediation and we want to uncover what some of those reasons are. It is pertinent to discuss the current arrangements in place for the children and their well-being. I personally like to know more about the children including and not limited to the following:
· How they are travelling in general.
· The impact of separation on the children and how they are coping.
· How they are going at school.
· What the children love doing and their personality types.
· What the children think of their parents (or what the parent believes the children think of them). This often brings a smile to a parent’s face or even a little tear. It is a great way for parents to reflect on what type of a parent they want to be and how their child perceives them based on their actions.
· The children’s relationship with other people including their friends and the wider family group.
· Any special needs
· Any illnesses
Communication
As you would imagine, communication is probably the single most important facet in processes like mediation. Exploring how the couple used to communicate and make decisions in their relationship and how they make decisions now is important. Exploring the level of conflict, triggers and parental alliance is pertinent.
Finding out how the parties respond to certain situations is also important as this helps the mediator consider what the mediation session will look like and if there are things that can be put in place to manage volatility within the parties. The mediator will also highlight what is useful in terms of communication in a mediation setting.
Safety
There might be limits on what can be done in a mediation setting in cases where there are safety concerns. A thorough examination of past and current family violence and control is explored and where possible, a brief example is helpful.
Child safety is another big one and it is a priority at Family Intermediary. Where there are any concerns for the children, it is important to know what steps have been taken to ensure the children’s safety. Have the parents communicated about the issue or has a report been made to the relevant child protection agency within your state?
Self-care and Mental Health
Sometimes this is the first time that the client is asked how they are coping with their situation.
· What do you do for self-care, particularly during a stressful time like separation and divorce and additionally having to manage the children through the same process?
· The use of drugs and alcohol to self soothe.
· Any addictions including gambling?
· Are there any mental health diagnoses and treatments?
· Any immediate safety concerns including thoughts of self-harm or suicidal ideation?
Willingness to participate in the process and expected outcomes
It is important to know if you are willing to participate in the mediation process and if there is no duress or compulsion to attend. Some self-assessment questions might be asked to help you reflect on what you think the mediation dynamics will look like as well as your limitations and the part that you play. In terms of the outcome, it is also important to know what your expectations are and if there are any non-negotiable for you and what that looks like.
For clients attending mediation, we ask you to come to the intake session and any other sessions as your full self. We have trained professionals who will help you unpack and navigate the process. Our intentions are to get the best possible outcomes for all parties involved and not to judge you.