Normalise Client Reflection in Family Mediation.

I had a conversation the other day about my family mediation sessions not going over three hours at a time. The argument for going longer and getting it done in one go was that clients would go home and 'change their minds'. I have experienced that multiple times, in fact I can think of one particular overseas relocation case where the proposals made in the first mediation session were significantly different to the ones made in the follow up session.

There are two sides to the coin.

I won't focus on the negatives too much, but one common theme is influence from new partners or third parties which in some cases might be negative influence that derails the whole process. A lot of times new partners bring in positive influence too including encouraging a parent to have a meaningful relationship with their child.

I want to focus on the power of reflection and taking a pause and why we should encourage it more in our mediation practice.

Of course as practitioners we would prefer that the process be easy, but ultimately clients should reach agreements that they can reasonably live with without duress. Sometimes the time element makes clients feel like they are under duress to get it done or else they feel like there won't be another opportunity to get it done. Instead of ramming everything into one sit down discussion, setting the tone and clarifying expectations at the start is important including the fact that discussions cannot be rushed and if required, there might need to be more sessions.

🍃Giving clients the opportunity to reflect on or even trial proposals or interim agreements particularly for parenting arrangements is paramount. Unless the parents walk in hand in hand in agreement (it happens) and are just seeking formalisation and a bit of assistance.

🍃Time to reflect allows space for legal advice if required, working out practicalities with any necessary third parties that might include work, day-care, schools etc.

🍃Another consideration is neurodiversity and allowing all parties an equal opportunity to process information at their own pace. Not all people process information at the same pace and therefore allowing that time to literally sleep over the life changing decisions they are about to make for their family is important.

🍃Providing parties with written proposals and agreements reached also assists them in processing the information so they can return and make informed decisions.

At the end of the day the beauty of mediation is self-determination with the mediator's guidance. As experts in the field it's our duty to illuminate blind-spots for our clients so that they can reach the best possible outcomes for their circumstances. Rushing is not the solution. The process can be lengthy and painful for all, but in the long run it will benefit the client.