The Second Party Invite Letter for Family Mediation
If you have ever been a second party to a mediation matter this might resonate and you might have asked some of the questions I will address here.
Initiating parties often ask whether they have to inform the second party that they have started the mediation process and if they are required to give the second party a heads up that they will receive formal correspondence from a mediator. The answer we always give at Family Intermediary is that informing the second party would be ideal, if possible and safe to do so. This means that there are no surprises when they receive the letter and the contents might land better if they are expecting our correspondence.
It is not uncommon for second parties to be upset when they receive a letter from a mediator informing them that their ex-partner has initiated mediation. There are several possible reasons for this;
As mentioned above, it might come as a surprise to the second party and they might not have expected to receive such a letter in their lifetime.
The second party might not have ever heard of the mediation process and might not know how it works. They might confuse mediation with court proceedings and might believe they are being summoned to court.
Where parties are still living under the same roof or have previously “taken a break”, one party might believe that the marriage/relationship has ended and the other might still be invested in the relationship and receiving the invitation letter for mediation might cause hurt and confusion.
The content of the invitation letter itself. This has a double entendre;
the letter might simply be badly drafted and might sound threatening due to the wording that lacks tact or lacks pertinent information to help the party understand what’s required of them.
and/or, the reader might generally not like the content of the letter, despite the requirement for the mediator not only to invite, but also to inform the reader.
The invitation letter must inform the second party of the following;
That the first party has initiated mediation.
The timeframe to which they should respond by.
What mediation is about in a nutshell.
What will happen at the intake/assessment session in a nutshell. The cost associated with that session if applicable.
For parenting matters the requirement by the Family Law Act 1975 to make a genuine effort to resolve the matter at mediation before making an application to the Family Courts and that exceptions do exist.
The voluntary nature of mediation and the issue of certificates that we will discuss in one of our upcoming blogs.
The second party might have a different perspective and disagree with the fact that there is a matter to be resolved and it might be frustrating for them to receive the letter when they believe that everything is going well.
Due to confidentiality reasons, often, the mediator cannot discuss the initiating party’s reason’s for initiating, unless the mediator has consent from the initiating party to disclose initial agenda items only.
There might be other factors impacting the second party including, but not limited to grief and loss, family violence, and a letter from a mediator might be a trigger for them.
The second party might simply not be ready or willing to participate in the mediation process for reasons known to them.
Not all second parties have concerns with receiving a letter from a mediator, however for those that do, what can we as practitioners do to ensure that the second party understands what mediation is about and to ensure they don’t feel threatened or compelled to attend without their genuine consent?
(As above)Encourage the initiating party to alert the second party that they have initiated the mediation process, if safe to do so.
Consider re-drafting your second party invite letter to include all the pertinent information that they need to know, but being softer with your language so it can land better.
If the second party does call your practice, upset, COMPASSION, is the word. Be patient in explaining what they need to know and also understand that they might be going through a difficult time.
Provide the second party with ALL options and let them make the final decision on how they would like to proceed with the matter within the timeframes stipulated.
We can all play our part to make the process a little easier for our clients! One letter and one phone call at a time.
The mediator’s intention is not to threaten and it should never be to threaten, but to provide all the relevant information in order for all the parties to make informed decisions about their family matters. DELIVERY IS EVERYTHING.